Toughen Up – Part 1 “Are you easily offended?”

Toughen Up – Part 1  

Are you easily offended?

One of the things that Americans love to take pride in is, “strength.” We love the underdog and admire comeback stories. We idolize people like Bruce Lee, Clint Eastwood, John Wayne, Arnold Schwarzenegger and even…Chuck Norris. There are hundreds of Chuck Norris jokes that talk about toughness.

Even in the church, we admire people who have overcome addictions and faults to rise above where they have come from. We admire leaders who have strong work ethics, and who have had material success in the marketplace. We value people who seem to rise above the rest of us who struggle with everyday problems.

The apostle Paul, maybe the greatest and most successful Christians who ever walked on earth, said puzzling things like, “I am the worst of all sinners,” and “If I have to brag, I will brag on those things that show I am weak.” Why would such a strong believer admit his shortcomings? He knew that admitting such things gave an invitation to the Lord of Strength to enter his situation and reveal where true strength comes from.

Over the course of the next 6 weeks, I will introduce you to specific areas that believers need to strengthen in their lives. Today’s topic comes in the area of being offended.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to notice that we live in the era of people’s feelings getting hurt. Even my 6-year-old grandson says to me, “Popo, you hurt my feelings.” Getting offended seems easy today.  Jesus forewarned us in Matthew 24:10 that in the last days people would take offense and betray and hate one another. If there was ever a time in our history when this was true, it is today. As a rule, there are four ways people get offended. People get offended at what others say to them, don’t say to them, do to them, or don’t do to them.

I would like to make two main points when it comes to getting offended and what that means to the Christian.

I. The Consequences of getting offended.

Jesus said in Luke 17:1 that “Offenses will certainly come.”  The word “offense” is also translated “stumbling block” and comes from the Greek word that we get the word, “scandal” from. Originally, this word would describe a small piece of wood used to prop up an animal trap, and once an animal went inside to get the bait, it would trip the wood and the animal would become entrapped.

When we allow ourselves to become offended, we too become entrapped by Satan’s snare. He knows if he can make us defensive, we will take our eyes off of the prize of our mission and get sidetracked. You can’t passionately pursue the things of God and at the same time attempt to please the flesh by focusing on your wounds and pain caused by others.

What are some of the results of being offended? We focus on our wounds and become separated from community. We become isolated. We feel the need to vindicate ourselves, build coalitions against the ones who hurt us, and we make life about us.

I recently came back from overseas and remember seeing how they controlled elephants. Elephants are one of the most powerful creatures on earth. They grow between 5,000 to 14,000 pounds. And yet, they are controlled by a tiny chain wrapped around their foot with a small stake in the ground. Why does such a small thing keep them from moving?  Because when they were babies, the chain seemed stronger and was sufficient. You get where I am going with this?

We too, at an early age, discovered that telling people our feelings were hurt seemed to get them to change. And now that we are older, we are no better equipped to handle getting offended as we were back then.

But it shouldn’t be this way. As Paul told us in 1 Corinthians 13 that we act a certain way when we are children, but there comes a time we need to act more like an adult. And this is true when it comes to getting offended.

I believe this is why Jesus said in John 16:1, “I have told you these things to keep you from stumbling.”  The word stumbling is the same Greek word that is translated, “offence” of where we get the word… scandal…yes, the same word we talked about before.

Jesus doesn’t want us to fall for the trap of getting offended so easily.  So, what do we do? I am so glad you asked.

II. The Correct Response when getting offended.

I see three major things that will help us to respond correctly when we get offended.

    A. Expect it. It’s going to happen. No one is immune to getting offended. It happens to the best of us. So instead of striving for perfection…which is impossible in this life, the best we can do is  to become less offendable.  Just about every great boxer has been asked, “What is the most dangerous punch you have to defend.” And most boxers reply with, “The one you don’t see coming.” Peter warned us in 1 Peter 4:2, “Do not be surprised when attacks come our way as if something strange was happening to us.” In other words, prepare for it, expect it. When you know something is coming, you stand a much better chance of defense than you would when it comes out of nowhere.

    B. Confront or Drop it!! Jesus told us in Matthew 18 that if a brother sins against you, and that would include someone who offends you, that we should confront them out of love. If they listen  to you, you’ve gained a brother. If not, he gives other steps you can do. Bottom line, one of the lost arts we have stopped practicing in the church is lovingly approaching the very person who sinned against us and hurt us. Instead, we go to other people, the Pastor, or even worse, we build up resentment that causes bitterness to take root in our heart against the brother or  sister. This is so unhealthy. James 4:17 tells us that the one who knows the right thing to do and doesn’t do it, sins. Of course, confronting someone because they hurt your feelings comes  with risks. You might discover they did something to you to respond to something you did to them. You might discover that you completely misread what they said which could bring embarrassment to yourself. Or, they might just double down and bring more hurt feelings your way. So, make sure you are following what the Lord would have you do. But it’s always better to do something biblical, for the right reason than to seek your own justice or even sulk about something that will only cause you to become bitter. The other option is to drop it. Just like Jesus on the cross looked down upon us and said to His Father in Heaven, “Forgive them for they don’t know what they are doing.”  Forgiveness is one of the most powerful tools God  gives us in our spiritual tool chest. Forgiveness is not easy, but one should always consider how much God has forgiven him/her for the things he/she did or didn’t do, said, or didn’t say. We forgive others because God first forgave us. One of the areas that help me to forgive is for me to see people through the eyes of God and to love others through the heart of God. We are to  simply be a conduit from God to others, which helps us to keep everything in perspective.

C. Finally, I would offer some practical steps to take that help us to become less offended in life. Here are just a few.

1. Before you react, listen. James tell us in James 3:18, “Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.”  Maybe if we listened twice as much before we talk, we would get less offended. Listening gives us time to control our tongue and our anger. Listening helps us understand what people are trying to communicate.
2. Ask the Lord to help you grow the fruit of the spirit by replacing them with the deeds of the flesh as recorded in Ephesians 5. This would be a great study.
3. Remember that often times, the very people who hurt our feelings never intended to hurt our feelings to begin with. They might have been having a bad day and it simply came across wrong. You might discover the reason the person reacted badly to you was because of something you did to them first. Now this does not give them permission to run you over, however, your focus should always be about restoring a relationship rather than getting your point across.
4. Make certain you are living your life under the Word of God. This means by regularly practicing forgiveness, not taking offense, and making certain that nothing is stopping you from keeping your eyes on the path of God’s call on your life.

Remember, that getting offended is Satan’s way to get you off track of loving God and people with all of your heart, soul, mind, and strength! After all, it should all be about Him!

Until the whole world hears,

Pastor Scott